one wild and precious life

my greatest happiness would be
to hold the mysteries of the world
to love the questions themselves
to care without boundaries
to grab the hand of a stranger or friend
and listen to the laughter as we ran
through fields of wildflowers.
Mar 19
Permalink

amga:

Ya know that feeling when someone makes a small verbal dig at your personality so you get down on yourself (complete with a gut-wrenching twist inside your stomach)?

And later on you look for friends to appeal that comment, but the incision is still there?

So you sleep for 12 hours, you wake up and crave bowls of chocolate, your arms and legs feel the effects of gravity more than usual, and you’ve already missed two classes?

And then you pretty much waste the day away scrambling around Internet sites, avoiding pleasure (because you’re immune to it), while thinking about how this little ‘down time’ separates you from those jackasses that are living ‘normal, happy’ lives?

So you start looking for different places to live, new majors, new iPod accessories— just searching for that little light of inspiration that will turn everything around?

And sometimes your roommate will show up, you’ll get a quick nap, your hormones will look in the mirror, and before you know it you’re in a park feeling like you’ve just had the light of life plunged into your heart?

Well I fucking hate that.

update

also, ever just want to find that little voice inside your head that is constantly repeating the following facts:

  • You’re not smart enough
  • You’re lazy
  • You’re not funny
  • You’re not attractive
  • The people around you are better than you, and yes, it is a competition

and grab it by the testicles until it can no longer reproduce?

Also don’t you just wish at any given moment you could have that earnest conversation with someone you always want to have but can never find the right words? And anytime the opportunity arises to have it you’re a little down on yourself because you’ve got a little voice inside insisting that you are neither smart nor funny, plus there is a comment in the back of your head someone said about you earlier that day so you just want to get drunk and forget your insecure, selfish, abnormal, psychotic identity?

 :(

i love you alex. and, unfortunately, it seems i experience what you describe above way too often. for the record, i think you should feel smart and funny because you are such.